~I've just closed my eyes again~

Again

2009-10-30T02:22:00Z

Banana Cream Pie. I want one. Not the ones you get at the cafe. A home made one.

Revy. Call me sometime wench.

DX

2009-10-08T05:59:17Z

RENJI ABARAI !!!!!

I'll kill you dead.Dead like disco.

Something here

2009-09-19T01:06:41Z

It's been calm. Almost too calm. Aside from the day to day bustle.

Renji, if you're interested the kids are back home now. I should have called sooner but I've been a little on the busy side.

Can I get a hell yeah

2009-08-29T06:43:20Z

Life's good

I'm banging mother fuckin Johnny Depp. Hell yeah. I always told that jackass I'd leave him for Johnny someday.

Carry on carry on.

I finally put it all together, but nothing really lasts forever

2009-08-25T06:24:19Z

Three things I wanted to get done. Three things accomplished.

*Shop closed up, items stored and store placed on the market.

* House placed on the market. I will finish moving things to storage and where ever their new homes will be by Friday.

* Package sent.

Productive today. Now, for the other big decision regarding my kids. I am still working on that.

Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming around

2009-08-19T08:45:16Z

The stars are really pretty tonight. I hadn't realized just how long it has been since I just lied in the grass and looked at them. is there really more out there than what we see on the surface? Perhaps. And perhaps it's just our mind telling us that obvious facts are not really as is. Situations change, but really it's the same tired old song with a different melody.

How exactly does one pick up the pieces? It seems to me that a lot of people are being faced with that question these days.

I'm tired of being a mess, I am tired of this self soothing. I am tired of being taken for granted. I am tired of being pushed to the side or back burner in favor of other people or other things. I am tired of feeling alone.

Mostly, I'm just tired.

This feels like the place between being ready and being in the way

2009-08-14T01:05:36Z

I am supposing when dealing with certain matters, some people find it easier to just be angry the entire time. It's a little perplexing to me as, I should be the one angry. Yet...I'm not. I am merely disappointed with choices made. It's odd really. The entire encounter was enlightening though. Quite enlightening indeed.

More food for feeding this hungry mind of mine I suppose.

I think I'm trying to save the world from you
You’ve been saving me too
We could just stay in and save each other

All of the small things

2009-08-06T20:59:26Z

I've had so much time to think over the last few days, I am pretty sure that if I don't make my move soon I might actually go a little crazy. I haven't even tried to check myself out. I think it's because that while I am here I don't have to face reality so much. Here. I am allowed to be weak, I don't have to be strong for anyone and I don't have to pretend like it doesn't bother me, that you're gone. I don't have to box up all of your things, or go threw pictures. As angry as I am about it, I can't help but to feel hurt too. Or maybe that's why I was angry to begin with. I never was really good at expressing myself in the right way anyway. I think I am starting to understand, at least a little more about why Grims boys are like they are. It's too bad that it's too late to do much there now. I wish i could remember what went wrong. What I did to really deserve this. Maybe... maybe it's really time this time. I hear Ireland is beautiful and I think the kids would like it there. Fresh start. Maybe Renji could come over with me and help me settle in. I don't know.

Love is not a victory march, It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

2009-07-28T18:16:50Z

What... I... Oh god..

Whomever spoke to Grimmjow in the last day or so...I need....Jesus this can't be.

Damn you. God damn you. You son of a bitch. You fucking selfish bastard.

I wish you'd unclench your fists and unpack your suitcase

2009-07-15T09:13:26Z

There was so much I could have said. so much I should have, but words never really come easy for people like me. So, it all comes out wrong.

You. You always understand me, even when I don't understand myself. A presence in my life which never faded even with thousands of miles between us. I don't say it very often but I feel like I am a horrible wife. That shit I said, it came out wrong. I’ve been feeling all but abandoned lately, and I know you couldn’t help some of that, but some of it you could you know. The secrets, that stupid number you carry now. I would have been just fine with it if you’d have talked it over with me before you did it. You, you hid it from me and god damn it that hurt. You never gave me the benefit of the doubt that I would accept your choice with that. Now…you’re gone. And I don’t fucking know what to do. I’m…sorry.

Where ever you are... I hope you know that I love you and I really wish you'd talk it out with me.
I know we're much stronger than that. Even if we're both too stubborn to bend.

Please God, I need this..

I wish most of all…that I could tell you all of this.

I...I don't even know.

Rawar

2009-07-10T05:12:38Z

...

ANyone else making out with my husband behind my back? Because yeah this shit is getting rather old. Finding out shit threw the grape vine and a dollar short and a day late.

Fuckers.

The deception you show is your own parasite, just a word of advice you can heed if you like

2009-07-06T20:27:39Z

Interesting thing to wake up to. At least now I know, it's better than living in a lie.

You could have been honest with me you know. This was a really fucked up way for me to find out about that shit. Before you even start with the " what the fuck are you talking about woman." You should think real hard over the last few days. If you still can't figure it out then you've got more issues than I initially thought. I didn't do anything to deserve this. I will also add that it's insulting that you thought I wouldn't see it or find out. This really hurts.

Come on, cry me a river.

2009-06-05T22:17:01Z

I wonder if I should send cheese and a leash... because I am seeing a bitch doing nothing but whine.

Such a shame there. Oh well.

Boxes; there are still so many of them around here. I think it will be a little easier once the shed is finished being built.

Dinner on the gazebo tonight. Then being lazy in the nice hammock.

Grimmjow, if you would on your way back here stop by and get some milk? Chocolate syrup and corn chips too if you see any that look good.

I'm really lucky...... underneath it all

2009-05-28T08:26:23Z

Slowly things are starting to feel a little closer to normal. I don't know in spite of everything I feel oddly at peace, which is a strange feeling in it's self. I could do with a little more of that though.

That. This, God I love that man. It's not like me to be this sentimental or gushy. He really is more than I could have ever asked for. Just laying there in the hammock with him. Not doing anything special just being there, I think those are my favorite times with him. The kids, Grimmjow, Tohru, Renji... and even Ulquiorra,they really are the stars in my sky. Tohru seems to be slowly remembering things, which is good and I am adjusting just fine I think the stitches come out next week then, I will get to take the gauze off of my eye. It still looks like a Frakenstine project right now, but I am not regretting it at all. In fact I would do it again in a second. She'll be much better with two eyes than one, and I don't mind an eye patch at all. Speaking of the pale one, I am pretty proud of him. He's really starting to man up. Thank fucking God for that. I suppose all is right in my world right now. And that is a great feeling.

What the hell..

2009-05-12T08:02:42Z

Fuck..

Honey, could you please come pick me up.

*address here *

Bring a blanket please.

Let them spew, a fall from grace would do us good today

2009-05-10T07:52:30Z

I think I'll drive to the coast. It's been a while and the weather's supposed to be fine for it.

Agenda:
Food shopping.
Call the sitter.
Gas up the El Camino.

Unless there are any other plans. It's the sand, my mp3 player, a bucket of board walk fries and a large lemon aid for me.

If this conflicts with other plans Grim, just tell me.

.....

2009-04-30T11:36:38Z

I'm coming for you bitch.

As I pormised you I would the other night.

bella_morte_xx @ 2009-04-23T18:24:00

2009-04-23T23:42:39Z

It's been decently calm. Other than the crap Grim's dealing with. I kind of feel out of the loop with things. I guess that's to be expected with everything that's gone on recently.

It still is surprising that I am married now. I was pretty sure that would never happen, least of all in the way that it did end up happening.

There is still nothing firm on where the kids and I will be staying, I guess that will come after Friday is over with.
Speaking of which, I am quite pissed at you pastey jackass. You had to go and get your self fucked up in bumble fuck no where. You're keeping my shopping partner away. Couldn't you have done that sort of thing here? Like the rest of us. I mean really, have some thought for others when you're getting your ass handed to you.
~~Still I am glad that you're okay for the most part. Fuck face, making me worry.~~

Peter White. You'd better be okay too. If you're up to it I'd like your help with something. I also have some things for you.

WOREDS! OOC STUFF

2009-04-06T08:05:57Z

Dates: April 13th- April20th
Muse information
Julia:Will be doing Julia things annoying the new husband, passing out the occasional concussion to make sure her remembers she cares.
Rukia: Working hard on the case generally being a recluse also debating referencing her desk and computer as her lovers, since she is spending a hell of a lot of time with them these days.
Leon: Being a general pain to Kaien, still sending flowers to Tohru. Also he will start sending them to Ulquiorra as well.
Orihime: Working and trying not to break stuff in the name of learning do it your self methods.
Naoto: ~~Learning 101 ways to cook a Rabbit~~ Will be taking a "business trip"
Lucy: Is around some where.

I might be around here and there. I might not it just depends on things. If you see me around and want to scene it never hurts to ask. Any other questions hit me up via IM.

This was not in the script

2009-04-02T05:38:27Z

This isn't much help at all. I feel like I am going to puke...again. Thanks for all the help, stupid fucking family.

Looks like I am stuck here for a little while at least. Unless I kill someone, then I will be stuck in the jail in town.

And theres a place where I can choose To walk the fine line between Self-control and self-abuse

2009-03-25T18:59:33Z

I think that was the best night I have ever spent in the hospital.

Peter! You are THE MAN! ILU SO HARD! in a totally non-sexual way.

bella_morte_xx @ 2009-03-24T18:34:00

2009-03-24T23:45:51Z

As soon as you can. Get me out of here please.I don't care what they tell you at the desk I want out.

You know you went off like a devil in a church, in the middle of a crowded room

2009-03-15T10:15:41Z

I am so tired of this place. Not just my physical location either. Whatever. I am tired of thinking of reasons why I should be understanding.

Don't see any mother fuckers being so understanding with me.

Don't bother. I am not there, and won't be.

I am so ready to be out of here. I think the kids are too.

I just wish I could figure out weather I am more disappointed with myself for being foolish enough to believe, or with other parties because I thought they were different.

bella_morte_xx @ 2009-03-11T04:31:00

2009-03-11T09:37:07Z

Renji.

I brought you a present.
I'll give you a hint. It's pale and drunk was pawing me in the cab last night. Also it's in the spare room. All yours!

Who needs Sleep anyway? Fucking god damned dirty ratshits!

2009-03-04T13:07:20Z

What the flying monkey shit!? Yeah fuck a whole lot of this horse shit.

The kids have not stopped screaming, I had to haul Renji to the bathtub I don't even want to know WHY he smells like man piss.

Stupid fucker was probably out having some strange sex or some shit like that. God damn it I was sleeping too. No No not allowed DING MOTHER FUCKING DONG. No peace since then.

I hate you all. I hope you enjoy the extra salt in your diet who ever the fuck you were. What kind of date are you anyway doing that to a man ? Then leave him like THAT. I'll bet that was your piss had to wash out of his hair. YOUR PISS out of HIS hair. God damn it what the FUCK. Go piss on someone elses responsibility. I outta find you and piss right in YOUR fucking living room. SMELL ON THAT ASSHOLE. You're probably the type of freak who does TJ shows with god damn donkeys. Fucking freak!

Fuckin whack jobs in this city I swear to christ.

Edit: Now that I think about it. That fuck kinda looked like Shuuhei.
Dirty fucker. You're a real freak aren't ya Judas.

~*I've just closed my eyes again*~